Rules, Rules, Rules...
by Paul Zeron
Purpose: This play teaches that a person is a child of God because God loves them and saves them, not by keeping rules.
Characters: Richie, who gets everything confused
Lillian, sensible who tries to help Richie
Narrator with Bible
Richie: (Richie calls Lillian in a demanding tone.) Lillian...Lillian! Come up here right now!
Lillian: (From off stage.) Richie! I'm not coming up until you say please and stop being so bossy!
Richie: Ah! That's a good one! Rule number 3,795: everyone else has to say please except me. (Richie turns to audience and nods.)
Lillian: (Lillian now jumps up onto the stage suddenly.) What!? Rule number 3,799?
Richie: No. Rule number 3,795. I wanted to tell you about some new rules around here.
Lillian: I can't remember 3,000 rules!
Richie: 3,795 rules...and rule number 1,821 says: forgetting the rules is not allowed!
Lillian: You're not being very nice, Richie.
Richie: Oh yes. Don't forget rule number three: if you keep all the rules then I will let you be my friend.
Lillian: That's interesting. What's rule number one?
Richie: Rule number one is: Richie is always right.
Lillian: But what if you're wrong?
Richie: That's covered by rule number 2: if Richie is ever wrong, see rule number one...
Richie and Lillian together: ...Richie is always right.
Lillian: I'm sure glad God doesn't make rules like you.
Richie: Yeah, he had less than 700.
Lillian: No, that's not what I mean. He had different kinds of rules.
Richie: Like what?
Lillian: Like serious ones...thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal...
Richie: Ah! Those are good ones. Rule number 3,796: killing Richie is not allowed. Rule number 3,797: stealing from Richie is not allowed.
Lillian: I think your rules are a little twisted.
Richie: So what's wrong with my rules. I like them!
Lillian: Well, take rule no three for instance.
Richie: Rule number three: if you keep all the rules then I will let you be my friend. (Richie turns and nods to audience)
Lillian: Yeah. God's not like that. We get to be God's children because He loves us, not because we keep His rules.
Richie: But if you don't keep His rules then He should punish you.
Lillian: Of course if we do something bad here on earth we will still get in trouble, but God doesn't make us quit being His children. Richie, Jesus died on the cross and He took our punishment of Hell for us to make us His children.
Richie: Then why do you keep His rules at all then?
Lillian: Because we love Him and because His rules are good for us. Mr. Narrator, would you please read John 14:15 and Romans 7:12?
Narrator: John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments. Romans 7:12 Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.
Richie: I think all my rules are good. Every one has to do everything to make me feel good...like rule number 78: if I want what you have then you have to give it to me.
Lillian: Sure, Richie. They're good for you! But God's rules are good for everyone. Like Romans 13:10, "Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." We should all love each other.
Richie: So...we keep God's rules because we love Him.
Richie: And we love Him because He made us His children.
Richie: And what makes us His children is not how many rules we keep.
Richie: What makes us His children is Jesus taking our punishment of Hell for us.
Richie: I really did know that part already. Wait here, Lillian. (Richie goes off stage and rustles papers and throws paper wads onto the stage. He comes back on stage.) There you go, Lillian. I'm going to use God's rules. I like you Lillian.
Lillian: I like you, too, Richie. (Lillian and Richie go off stage.)
Richie: And you don't have to call me "Oh most wonderful and beneficent majesty," either.
Richie: That was rule number 2,314.
Rules, Rules, Rules...
by Paul Zeron
edited by John Smith